I wish I could be more like my husband. Nothing ever seems to bother him... ever. Even when I'm jumping into high alert because a kid is in crisis, I look over and there's my husband, moving in his same methodical, deliberate way, no look of panic on his face, not even a wrinkled brow of concern. When a crisis with one of the kids is occurring I bark orders at him insanely, getting impatient that he doesn't move fast enough for me (even though I know he probably is moving faster than I realize in the moment), and still, he just stays completely calm. He never even seems offended that I'm barking at him. While I'm thankful I have the ability to spring fully into action at a moment's notice, even from sleep, there are times that I truly admire my husband for being able to stay calm and go with the flow (or sleep through earthquakes and crying babies), even in the face of crisis.... or "false crisis", as is my case right now.
Lately, I've been jumping into high-alert even though I don't need to. It's such an ingrained biological response that I have to really work hard to turn off. I don't always succeed. I've filled out a plethora of forms, met with several school officials, and retold the stories of A's near-death experiences with food allergies over and over again. I'm forced to remember the little details that make my son's situation unique, since he doesn't tend to have "typical" allergy responses that would normally clue a caregiver or teacher in to the fact that he could be in trouble. I was shocked when I realized that I was having the same biological response to just recounting those incidences as I had when they were actually happening. I literally have relived his nine incidences of anaphylaxis in the last two weeks, and while doing so have found my heart beating rapidly, I practically hyperventilate, and I get so tense that I ache all over for days afterward. I tell myself to "Just breathe, there's no emergency, everything is okay... everything is okay..."
Meditative Yoga, anyone? Ahhhooooommmmm!!!!!
Ah! yes Eric is cool in a crisis and that is why you get to the emergency room so quickly without indecent. I know how he does it because I am the same. Remember when you came running home in Hagerman after the friend you were with hit the pole by Valley Grocery? I calmed you down to the point that your heart slowed down.
ReplyDeleteThe one time that I did get panicky and in a hurry was the day you called me to let me know your car was wrecked, when it flipped end over end and you all climbed out the back window?
I also remember the night I had a gut feeling and I meditated and prayed for you when I went to bed and at 4 AM that next morning you called me to let me know you had been robbed at gun point in Washington.
You are on the right path about meditation. It really does help. I still do that to this day, I get those feelings and meditate for you and yours (my little darling grand kids) and Eric. I know it helps and I will never stop. Even when I am dead and leave this material body behind I will be with you all and I will meditate for you.
So when a crisis is happening KNOW that I am meditating and sending you positive energy and love to help you through,
♥•*´¨♥ ♪♫ I love you all so very much. ♥•*´¨♥ ♪♫