Patience

I have such a HEAVY heart this afternoon. The morning started out wonderful, with a nice church service - so nice, in fact, that I chose to go to the 2nd service and hear it again!  Then, after I got home, I remembered we needed half and half to fulfill my coffee addiction (LOL), so I ran to King Soopers.  I thought twice about which one to go to, and elected to go to the one that I don't like as well, because it's a tiny bit faster.  I was in the parking lot getting ready to turn up one of the rows when I noticed a women with an overloaded cart, who was also carrying a cup of coffee, trying to navigate her basket to her car with one hand.  I stopped to let her pass in front of me. She was in the cross walk, and it was my job as a responsible driver to watch out for her and the other umpteen thousand people walking through the parking lot at that given time.  As she was just getting to the other side of the drive, where I could safely turn behind her, I noticed out of the corner of my eye in my rear-view that a man in a little mint green BMW sports car had decided to gun it around me.  I honked, which startled the woman and made her look up, FORTUNATELY, and she tossed her coffee to the ground and pushed her basket to the side, narrowly avoiding being hit by the maniac in the Beamer.  As he went around me he was flipping me "the bird" and shouting profanities at me.  I also heard him exclaim, "What the HELL is WRONG with you?"  I don't even think he realized that he nearly took a woman's life in those few seconds... he just kept driving as this woman, with coffee splashed all over her pants, was standing there dazed and wondering what just happened. I found myself thankful that she didn't have a kid or two trailing behind her to also try to navigate out of danger. That could have easily been me with my three kids and a full cart.

I pulled into the nearest parking spot and ran to the woman, who was shaken and having trouble loading her groceries.  As I was helping her get her groceries into her car, she seemed really dazed and kept asking me over and over if I was her angel.  I didn't know what to say, except that I was so sorry that she had just had a near-death experience, and I asked her to sit and gather herself while I went inside to buy her a new cup of coffee. The folks at the Starbucks counter, upon hearing the story, gave me her replacement for free. I wish I could have driven her home - I was pretty shaken, and I know she had to feel even worse!

I just keep thinking, (in the same tone the man used with me) "What the HELL is wrong with this WORLD?" Are we all really so self-absorbed that we can't spare SIX SECONDS to let a pedestrian cross a parking lot safely? What is distracting us, as a society?  How can we remove that distraction and find some compassion and PATIENCE with each other - with each other as a whole? Where is the love?

The message at church this morning was all about patience. About how we can't force God's hand, and we are much better off in life if we have patience and trust in God and HIS timing - even something as simple as pausing for less than ten seconds to ensure someone else's safety.  As I was driving home, I noticed the marquee at another church read, "True patience is trusting in God's timing".  Boy, does this world need to hear that!!!  It's certainly the lesson I'm getting loud and clear!

Don't panic!

I wish I could be more like my husband. Nothing ever seems to bother him... ever. Even when I'm jumping into high alert because a kid is in crisis, I look over and there's my husband, moving in his same methodical, deliberate way, no look of panic on his face, not even a wrinkled brow of concern. When a crisis with one of the kids is occurring I bark orders at him insanely, getting impatient that he doesn't move fast enough for me (even though I know he probably is moving faster than I realize in the moment), and still, he just stays completely calm. He never even seems offended that I'm barking at him. While I'm thankful I have the ability to spring fully into action at a moment's notice, even from sleep, there are times that I truly admire my husband for being able to stay calm and go with the flow (or sleep through earthquakes and crying babies), even in the face of crisis.... or "false crisis", as is my case right now.

Lately, I've been jumping into high-alert even though I don't need to. It's such an ingrained biological response that I have to really work hard to turn off.  I don't always succeed.  I've filled out a plethora of forms, met with several school officials, and retold the stories of A's near-death experiences with food allergies over and over again.  I'm forced to remember the little details that make my son's situation unique, since he doesn't tend to have "typical" allergy responses that would normally clue a caregiver or teacher in to the fact that he could be in trouble.  I was shocked when I realized that I was having the same biological response to just recounting those incidences as I had when they were actually happening.  I literally have relived his nine incidences of anaphylaxis in the last two weeks, and while doing so have found my heart beating rapidly, I practically hyperventilate, and I get so tense that I ache all over for days afterward. I tell myself to "Just breathe, there's no emergency, everything is okay... everything is okay..."

Meditative Yoga, anyone?  Ahhhooooommmmm!!!!!

Introduction

Hi!  My name is Erika, and I'm a mom to three of the most awesome kiddos on the planet.  For the last several years I've thought about blogging, but never thought I really had much to write about. Of course, those who know me know I really never have a shortage of words when speaking, so it shouldn't be too far off-base to think that I could possibly have something to write about. So, here I am. I finally did it. I decided to start a blog.

I have several passions in life, mostly surrounding my love for my children and advocacy for all children everywhere.  Children are what it's all about for me.

As I prepare for my children to start the new school year, I realize that my mind is racing with so many thoughts that it's keeping me up at night.  This is my attempt at getting my thoughts out on "paper" so that I can put them away for the night and hopefully get some much-needed SLEEP without worrying that I might forget those thoughts completely before morning (That might not be a bad thing either, sometimes!).

Currently my days and nights are consumed with back-to-school issues that leave my head SWIMMING! I have a five-year-old son who has multiple life-threatening food allergies, and he's starting Kindergarten this year.  If you can remotely fathom what it would be like to push your child out of the nest, but instead of nice green grass for them to walk on, they are faced with seemingly beautiful green grass that they have ached to play in, but it's full of landmines that could go off in their face at any given moment and potentially kill them. This is our reality. This is the reality facing every "allergy parent" on the planet. For the first time since Andrew was born he'll be relying heavily on other parents to keep him safe. Parents that don't understand... that don't "get it".  He went to preschool last year, but I felt like he was still pretty protected in that environment. The parents were diligent and truly cared, and the teachers and staff were so amazing at making sure he was safe 100% of the time. This year, he'll be swimming in a much bigger pond!  I'm not saying these other parents don't care, but they certainly don't understand how lethal even the slightest amount of peanut, nut or egg could truly kill my son.

I also have an amazing three-year-old daughter with Down Syndrome who has transitioned from in-home services to the school system for her therapies (speech and physical therapies currently). That is a whole other adventure!  Compared to dealing with allergies though, her needs are a walk in the park - at least thus far.

Then, there's my seven-year-old. My completely healthy and vibrant son that I worry will feel "forgotten" in all of the daily stresses of keeping my other two children safe.  He is truly amazing and talented, and I hope I do enough to show him how much he is valued and loved.

It's no wonder my thoughts swim around in my head and never give me a moment's rest.  So... here we go... the start of my "keep me sane" project. My blog.  Welcome! :)