Don't panic!

I wish I could be more like my husband. Nothing ever seems to bother him... ever. Even when I'm jumping into high alert because a kid is in crisis, I look over and there's my husband, moving in his same methodical, deliberate way, no look of panic on his face, not even a wrinkled brow of concern. When a crisis with one of the kids is occurring I bark orders at him insanely, getting impatient that he doesn't move fast enough for me (even though I know he probably is moving faster than I realize in the moment), and still, he just stays completely calm. He never even seems offended that I'm barking at him. While I'm thankful I have the ability to spring fully into action at a moment's notice, even from sleep, there are times that I truly admire my husband for being able to stay calm and go with the flow (or sleep through earthquakes and crying babies), even in the face of crisis.... or "false crisis", as is my case right now.

Lately, I've been jumping into high-alert even though I don't need to. It's such an ingrained biological response that I have to really work hard to turn off.  I don't always succeed.  I've filled out a plethora of forms, met with several school officials, and retold the stories of A's near-death experiences with food allergies over and over again.  I'm forced to remember the little details that make my son's situation unique, since he doesn't tend to have "typical" allergy responses that would normally clue a caregiver or teacher in to the fact that he could be in trouble.  I was shocked when I realized that I was having the same biological response to just recounting those incidences as I had when they were actually happening.  I literally have relived his nine incidences of anaphylaxis in the last two weeks, and while doing so have found my heart beating rapidly, I practically hyperventilate, and I get so tense that I ache all over for days afterward. I tell myself to "Just breathe, there's no emergency, everything is okay... everything is okay..."

Meditative Yoga, anyone?  Ahhhooooommmmm!!!!!

Introduction

Hi!  My name is Erika, and I'm a mom to three of the most awesome kiddos on the planet.  For the last several years I've thought about blogging, but never thought I really had much to write about. Of course, those who know me know I really never have a shortage of words when speaking, so it shouldn't be too far off-base to think that I could possibly have something to write about. So, here I am. I finally did it. I decided to start a blog.

I have several passions in life, mostly surrounding my love for my children and advocacy for all children everywhere.  Children are what it's all about for me.

As I prepare for my children to start the new school year, I realize that my mind is racing with so many thoughts that it's keeping me up at night.  This is my attempt at getting my thoughts out on "paper" so that I can put them away for the night and hopefully get some much-needed SLEEP without worrying that I might forget those thoughts completely before morning (That might not be a bad thing either, sometimes!).

Currently my days and nights are consumed with back-to-school issues that leave my head SWIMMING! I have a five-year-old son who has multiple life-threatening food allergies, and he's starting Kindergarten this year.  If you can remotely fathom what it would be like to push your child out of the nest, but instead of nice green grass for them to walk on, they are faced with seemingly beautiful green grass that they have ached to play in, but it's full of landmines that could go off in their face at any given moment and potentially kill them. This is our reality. This is the reality facing every "allergy parent" on the planet. For the first time since Andrew was born he'll be relying heavily on other parents to keep him safe. Parents that don't understand... that don't "get it".  He went to preschool last year, but I felt like he was still pretty protected in that environment. The parents were diligent and truly cared, and the teachers and staff were so amazing at making sure he was safe 100% of the time. This year, he'll be swimming in a much bigger pond!  I'm not saying these other parents don't care, but they certainly don't understand how lethal even the slightest amount of peanut, nut or egg could truly kill my son.

I also have an amazing three-year-old daughter with Down Syndrome who has transitioned from in-home services to the school system for her therapies (speech and physical therapies currently). That is a whole other adventure!  Compared to dealing with allergies though, her needs are a walk in the park - at least thus far.

Then, there's my seven-year-old. My completely healthy and vibrant son that I worry will feel "forgotten" in all of the daily stresses of keeping my other two children safe.  He is truly amazing and talented, and I hope I do enough to show him how much he is valued and loved.

It's no wonder my thoughts swim around in my head and never give me a moment's rest.  So... here we go... the start of my "keep me sane" project. My blog.  Welcome! :)